I’ve been pondering life lately and thought I’d share some of my insights.

Someone commented recently that my life was perfect, there was an element of jest to this remark, and perhaps a touch of jealousy, that I choose to do as much as I do. It got me thinking…

Firstly, I believe every single one of us is perfect, and perfection by it’s very name cannot be improved upon. Our behaviour and reactions to issues that arise can be improved.

I was born in a town 6hrs away from where my grandfather lay dying, he died the next day.  I was not the son my father wanted, in order to name his new baby after his father. Patriarchy was important to my father.

When I was 5 months old my maternal grandmother died. I was the 2^ndchild and my grandmother had told my mother it wasn’t fair on the eldest child to have another one so soon (22 months apart).

Eventually I was the middle child of 3 girls, with 3 younger brothers. Sarcasm and ridicule were the norm. I shut myself off creatively, intuitively, and in many other ways for many years. I didn’t want to bring attention to myself, I shunned the spotlight whilst I actually craved it.

Any or all of these circumstances could have had a more dramatic outcome on my life. Yes, rejection and ridicule are still triggers for me, causing a depressive outlook of self pity… but not once in my childhood did I think I wasn’t loved and supported by my parents. I count that as blessed and am extremely grateful to them for that.

At 22yrs old I married a guy not unlike my father in some respects, and nothing like him in others. We had the usual differences of opinions and struggles that all marriages have but again, I knew I was always loved and supported and am extremely grateful for that as well.

I miscarried my first pregnancy but it was counted by both sets of our parents as ‘for the best’ because we had not yet married, therefore it was never discussed.

I gave birth to 3 healthy sons in a 3.5yr period, and all 3 have grown into adults with partners of their own and 2 grandsons for me so far. Again, I am extremely grateful for them all, even though I suffered from PND after the birth of the 3^rdone and life was a struggle to get out of a black hole. My life is blessed though so I received help and got through it.

My husband was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis when the boys were 11, 13, and 15 yrs old, although he’d had undiagnosed symptoms for 5 years. When he died by his own hand 8 years later to avoid the end stages of this insidious disease the pain in my chest was a physical feeling of breaking open. I fell into a deep black hole. Everybody told me how strong I was and congratulated me on how well I was coping. I smiled, went to work, did what needed to be done…and for 2 years I came home from work, ignored the phone, drank a bottle of wine, ate a block of chocolate and cried myself to sleep, wondering what point there was in even living. I saw the devastating effect his death had on my sons and my siblings and that felt like the only reason for me not to follow him, I didn’t want to inflict any more pain on any of them. I still believe I was blessed and am extremely grateful for the years we did have together as a whole family unit, not everybody gets even that.

I sought help. I went away on retreat for 4 weeks and changed my health and my thinking and came back and began changing my life. Again, I am grateful that I was able to do that and I know not everybody is in a position to choose that option.

Over 7 years on from that I now have a range of things that keep me feeling the joy of living – healthy and happy. My connection to nature, my sugar free and grain free eating habits, my regularish practice of QiGong, meditation, and Nia, and of course doTERRA essential oils, which have become my best friends.

One of my greatest strengths and passions is Connection though, and the realisation that this is something that seems to be diminishing in many people’s lives makes me sad. No longer do people drop by your home just because they are in the neighbourhood, getting people to answer invitations to parties and events is a struggle, there is a definite decline in dinner parties, card nights, and dances. Social activity is often only a quick coffee in a café, or a drink in a bar – no time for real connection and meaningful conversations.  Texts and emails are often misconstrued and/or taken more personally than they would have if said face to face. We need time to just ‘be’… not all our time needs to be ‘productive’ in the Western capitalist way of thinking.

But I digress… I do think my life is perfect. Perfect for me. Perfect at this time and in this space. I am excited about what the future will bring for me and I know there are so many wonderful things happening in the world. We can have a better life, we just have to believe it and little by little change our attitude, perfectly.

[This photo is the weeping crabapple tree a close friend planted for me after my husband died. I keep thinking about pruning out the rebel suckers that are growing upright, but I see them as the strong components and proof that we can grow towards the light even when part of us is weeping.]

Taking back our power has been a constant theme running through my head lately, and in my last post I talked about the power of our health, but let me expand on some other ways our power is being drained and the results worldwide…

I watch TV (not much though), read a newspaper, or read a Facebook news post and it seems there is something about violence to women or children.

I talk to somebody about their career or work and I hear ‘but it’s business thinking they don’t care about people’.

I talk to small business owners and they talk about how difficult it is to get staff – reliable, caring staff.

I talk to parents and they worry about the world their children are coming in to.

I obviously like to talk to people.

I’m also an Historian, and I think back on the past human history, and lessons our world should have learnt – but it’s easier to let others take our power and follow their own agenda. Our lives are already full of trying to work 2 full time jobs to pay inflated housing and food prices and hope our children grow up to enjoy it.

There have been amazing civilisations flourishing throughout the Earth from era to era….but catastrophic events, usually created by other humans with no understanding of what they’re doing, have seen the demise of them. Look to the Mayans, the Incas, Egyptians, Romans, even the Bible/Torah/Quran have stories (eg Sodom and Gomorrah), the list goes on.

When these ancient communities were at their peak they looked after the land, they created art, they sang, they danced, they had enough to eat, they had amazing technology and they took care of their people. Gradually greed and power overtook them, either from outside or inside sources, and they were plunged into dark days/decades/centuries.

I believe if women in particular don’t take back their power then we’re going to repeat the history lesson until we do. I’m not a raging feminist but I believe that women should be able to do anything they choose to do, if it doesn’t harm anybody else. I’m not talking about offending anybody because offense is very subjective, but not harming them, mentally, physically or emotionally. Male and female are not equal – nobody in this world is equal, that would be very boring. That doesn’t mean anybody is more important than anybody else or has less rights to live their life. Male and female aspects of this world need to be in balance and this world is out of balance.

The nurturing caring side of humanity has been overruled by people wanting power over others. The ‘white male privilege’ is one aspect of this, but it’s not alone. There are many issues contributing to this decline of humanity: porn addiction (specifically porn that includes children, or violence against women, or the use of animals); the belief that to be successful we must make lots of money; the materialistic gathering of things we don’t need – more clothes, more toys, bigger house, better car; the reliance on putting our children into institutionalised ‘day care’ from an early age; the marketing that says we deserve to have everything we want now on credit, and the obsession with control by bureaucrats are just some.

We all have the power to change our lives, to get off the treadmill, to enjoy ALL aspects of our lives, not just the few days of holidays we grab in between the chaos with which we surround ourselves.

We don’t often use that power. We have responsibilities, mouths to feed, mortgages to pay, etc and what would we DO if we didn’t work full-time??

Our work defines us in this society. The first question often asked after being introduced to somebody is ‘So, what do you do?’ I like to answer by pretending I don’t understand..’what do I do for what?’ The comeback is invariably ‘for a living’. They don’t ask what do I think of the current economic system, or the high debt levels, or what do I enjoy doing the most? So I answer…’I breathe, what do you do?’

Let’s start 2017 by starting to acknowledge that we are all more powerful within ourselves than we give ourselves credit for. We can’t use our power if we don’t even realise we have it.

I hear so many people say they don’t have enough hours in the day to do the things they want to do. Yet we all have the same 24hrs, it’s just what we do with those hours. I think it myself sometimes, so many things to fit in, to do, to be at, to organise, to sort out….. and yet I’m lucky enough to be a stage in my life that’s not nearly as hectic as it used to be.

I remember a decade or 2 ago I had 3 boys at school, aged 8, 10 & 12; I was working across 3 different jobs, totalling 35hrs/wk; I had a husband with issues that meant he had just been medically retired from work, making my income the main one; we ran a farm and tourism business, for which I did all the bookwork and organising; I was on the school parents committee, education board, and founding member of the local motorcross club….and I decided to go to uni and do a Library & Information Science degree part time by distance education (supposed to take 6 years, I did it in 3.5 because I set a goal to finish it before I was 40 – last exam was the morning of my 40th birthday!). Despite how busy those 4 years were I still think the busiest period of my life  was in the years when I had 3 small boys at home and was supposedly a ‘housewife’ only.

I look back now and think it’s easy to blame our lack of time when we’re not really motivated, passionate, or committed to something. But when we ARE – WOW! Look at what can be accomplished! Our ‘smartphones’ are probably the biggest time waster we have, but if we put them to work for us instead of against us, then we can have our cake and eat it too!

And I do like cake….